The Adventures Of The Fabulous Four

The Adventures Of The Fabulous Four
He’s Just A Boy In A Band - Continued

mywordsaremyfaith

This is exactly what I don’t need right now. On top of everything that is going on right now my mother has gone and made it all worse.
We’ve never had a good relationship, ever. In her eyes I am a failure, I’m ungrateful and I am doing nothing with my life. She thinks nothing of me, I am nothing but a burden on her and the entire family, to her, I am nothing compared to my sister, her golden child.
My sister, how can I even begin to explain the fucked up relationship we have?
Some days she loves me, most days she doesn’t. She is only ever really nice to me when she wants something, and usually I end up giving it to her. She’s the prettier one of the two of us, that’s for sure. She’s the one with the good body, the right hair style, and I am the fat one, the plain one, the one that was destined to sit in the background and fade into nothing.
It would seem that no matter how hard I try to make things work between me and my family, no matter how hard I try to make something of myself, all I keep doing is failing, and each and every time my mother likes to tell me all about it.
This time she is angry with me because I won’t go back to school, school of course being University. I won’t, or more like can’t go back right now. My mind is not in the right place, there is no way that I could get through it, let alone pass any subjects. My life is too fucked up, my head is too fucked up, for me to even try.
So here I am once again, pressed against the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, wishing to be anywhere but here.

searchingtheskies

There is nothing more refreshing than resting your head on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, especially in a moment when you need to escape. The sudden jolt of the coolness is enough to take you out of that horrible moment for even just the smallest of seconds.
My head was pounding; last night had been something else. It was the last night of tour, so of course it was everything we were expecting it to be, nothing but mayhem.
So far everything was a complete blur, I couldn’t piece together anything from the moment I walked off the small piece of raised wood we called a stage.
I didn’t even know what time it was, the sun was coming through the small window in the bathroom, but that could mean it was any time of day. I was at least somewhat comforted by the fact that I didn’t wake up in here. I came in here to clear my very cluttered head.
Everything in my life seemed to be moving at the speed of light, suddenly things were going so fast. We had been signed, our tour was over, people’s lives were moving on and I felt like I had nothing to show for all these things happening. A photo of yesterday felt like it was taken years ago. It almost felt like things were moving forward at a rapid pace, and I was doing nothing but slowly walking backwards.
I had done so many things within the last month that I could no longer keep track of the milestone events in my life, like so many things before it, everything was becoming a blur. I had accomplished so much, and done some very stupid things, I was no longer a virgin, I had a tattoo, I was a singer in a signed band and I couldn’t remember any of it. So many moments that I would have savoured, moments the me from the past would have documented or made last, and here I was, not knowing how they happened, or why, but knowing that they had. Was this living life or was this just existing?
I have no idea how to control this life in the fast lane.

beani19

I think I am getting things together, seriously. Somehow I think things are starting to fall into place. I haven’t thought about my ex in days, it has to have been at least a month. I have been throwing myself into school work and I have the good grades to show for it. Suddenly life doesn’t seem so bad. I even find myself enjoying work sometimes, of course, that is only sometimes, I mean how exciting can sitting at the desk of an accountant be?

Email from searchingtheskies to beanie19 on Wednesday 04-11-2008

Hello there my crazy beautiful.
Sorry it has been so long, I have been pretty busy, for all the wrong and right reasons. I swear, life is so crazy right now. It feels like forever since I have spoken to you, not to mention the other girls, but I just don’t get much time to me of late. Of course, in the end I can only blame myself.
So, you know I am crazy busy, but how are you? What’s been going on of late?
I wish I could say more but I am squashed into the back of the van and the battery is running out. I love and miss you heaps. xo

It was nice to get an email from Bec, even if it was really short. I guess she has been pretty busy of late. Megan seems to be slightly worried seeing as she comes online and sends emails less and less, but that is to be expected right? She’s working hard and doesn’t have much time, right?
I rushed her a reply and grabbed my bag. I was late myself, I had to get to work before 9 and it was already ten to. At least from work I could log into everything on the internet and give people real updates on my life, and the good news that I felt like I was finally starting to get over my ex.

searchingtheskies

My pale reflection in the mirror was something like a ghost. I was never meant to be this pale and it showed. I looked washed out. The truth was I was just tired, tired and drained, and this made me look like the walking dead.
I seemed to be finding myself in the most awkward and random situations of late. I’m that clumsy girl, half asleep who has to try to sneak out of someone else’s hotel room in the morning, or their bedroom, the girl who can’t remember when the day started or realizes when it ends. I’m the girl who looks like she is having a blast, but for some reason can’t seem to get it all together. I’m the girl whose dreams are coming true, yet she can’t seem to make her smile reach her eyes.
This was the time in the day that I put on that makeup mask, the face that made me look like I was perfect, not tired, not exhausted, but perfectly fine. It had become such a routine I almost believed it myself.
“Becca hurry the fuck up” yelled a tired voice behind the door, complete with heavy impatient pounding.

“Freddy you’re a male” I replied, my hand running through my untamed hair. “That means you have the amazing option of being able to piss almost anywhere.”

“Are you really going to be that long?” he whined, I could hear him jumping from foot to foot.

“Just come in” I sighed, “I didn’t lock it.” I never locked the door anymore, not unless I had to hide something, but I was so comfortable with my band mates that thus far I haven’t needed to hide anything and I was hoping that I never would.

“Fuck I think my bladder is going to explode” whined Freddy, bursting into the bathroom. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail as I heard the disgustingly awkward sound of him sighing in relief.
The morning had passed without any major incidents, meaning that we had arrived to our breakfast meeting in one piece. It was a breakfast meeting with our producer, or at least our prospective producer, it all was hanging on the outcome of the breakfast. I could help but be nervous, and the knots in my stomach made me well aware of it. I relished the feeling though, because it was my reassurance that I still cared enough to be nervous.